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NeS Paage 5
Never-ending Story
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NeS Page 4 | NeS Page 6
Story Arc The Fight of the Century of the Week
Associated Story Arcs TBA
Writers New Writers

Main Writers

Minor Writers

Characters New Characters

Major Characters

Minor Characters


NeS Page 5 continues the events of The Fight of the Century of the Week wherein various heroic Characters have been gathered in the Arena to battle. Hosted by Ares, God of War, the battles are broadcast on live television, including pay-per-view. However other threats loom over the Arena too and often the heroes are threats unto themselves. This page sees the introduction of Maybelle Child, more commonly known as "Maybe" and a series of random events that break the previous one-on-one versus battles seen on earlier Pages. During this period The Otter demonstrates a violent streak, as does Semievil, a trait that is generally forgotten on much later Pages of the story. A non-NeS Character is brought into the story to act as a minor villain, going by the name [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raistlin_Majere Raistlin Raistlin Majere].[1] Whilst a fight between Semievil and Antestarr results in the first ever Yodafication and a series of posts that all take part in the Writers' Realm.

History

MaybeChild

The opening post of NeS Page 5 made a minor continuity error. On NeS Page 3 the Gonk robot, taken from the Star Wars[2] franchise, was melted down by The Otter's fire magic.[3] However this was contradicted by the actions of Semievil in the opening post of Page 5. Semievil is granted a fusion energiser battery by the officials board of the Arena where the action was taking place. Once granted Semievil went into The Crow's Nest, the claimed hideout of The Otter and location of many salacious items. There he found a bunny suit hidden amongst Otter's drawers. He dressed Gonk in the bunny suit, entered the fusion energiser battery and strapped the Narrator to Gonk's back. Gonk then zoomed off into space. This post was then, however, retconned so that the Gonk featured was, in fact, a reconstructed version of Gonk called Gonk2m4.[4] The error was, however, commented upon by Characters in the second post of NeS Page 5 - making the mistake a part of the narrative. Gebohq Simon was the Character to point out the time paradox, or Conflicting Post Phenomeonon. The crew of Star Trek: The Next Generation[5] arrive and they repair and modify Gonk into Gonk2m4, thusly repairing the Gonk so that time would balance out. Because Star Trek and Star Wars were now involved in the NeS, Semievil was looking forward to all of the Star Trek vs Star Wars debates.[6] Future mistakes would usually not be rectified, rather they would be incorporated into the narrative itself. Semievil decided to prepare himself for the fans, expecting the majority of them to be female. Thus he used some breath freshener.[7]

When a short, young woman, named Maybelle Child did enter she was confused by the time-paradox discussion[8] and then worried by Semievil's action - thinking he might have been interested in her. However Semievil reassured Maybelle Child that his interests lay with all of the female Star Trek or Star Wars fans that were due to arrive. Unfortunately when they did arrive all of the fans were fat, lonely, male nerds and were marching straight towards Semievil.[9] Upon realising his mistake Semievil went quickly to the officials board and requested weapons and a stereo. He played 'battle music' with the stereo as he went ahead and attacked the helpless fans with axes. However as the time paradox eventually closes both the fans and the characters from Star Trek: The Next Generation all vanished, leaving Semievil swinging at the air.[10]

After consuming seven-year-old twinkies that The Otter had been saving[11] and went through a bout of 'temporary insanity' and murdered Rob X in his sleep.[12] Maybelle Child, who is more commonly known as Maybe, decided that the mysterious death of Rob X and the disappearance of several fans constituted a Scooby-doo mystery, even though Gebohq pointed out that it was him that killed Rob X due to temporary insanity and that the fans had never existed due to the time paradox. Maybe told him to be quiet and that it was just an excuse to make Scooby-doo jokes.[13] Semievil headed back to The Otter's Crow's Nest and finds an unusual mask that he would wear in the fashion of a typical Scooby-doo villain.[14] Once again in Scooby-doo fashion, the heroes, Gebohq, Antestarr, The Otter, Maybe and Miss Fire, make a comical run-for-it in and out of doors to escape the "monster".[15]

Then Raistlin Majere[16], a wizard-like character from the book series entitled Dragonlance,[17] appeared when the Writers, in particular Antestarr the Writer, decided to break more copyright laws. On NeS Page 4 a minor NeS Villain was defeated.[18] Justyn, the Thread Killer, was then cremeted and buried by Semievil.[19] When Raistlin Majere arrived in the Arena he laughed up blood due to his illness from the Dragonlance stories and decided to use Justyn's grave as somewhere to contoct his herbal mixture to control his illness. He then senses a 'dragon' in the Arena and dove for cover to plan his attack. However what he actually sensed was Galvatron, a robot character that was able to transform into a dragon-shape but left several Pages ago. The heroes continue to investigate the monster.[20]

Like characters from Scooby-doo, Gebohq and The Otter were stacking up piles of food ready for eating when the monster arrived. Antestarr predicted that this would happen, knowing the rules to Scooby-doo episodes, so he set up a trap to capture Gebohq, The Otter and the monster in a net. Once captured they unmask the monster to discover "Old Man Sem". However the Scooby-doo parody is broken down when Raistlin Majere emerges again, announcing that he would take down the dragon - even if it meant flooding the Arena with molten rock. [21] Semievil, who was now in a bad mood, shoulder-barged Raistlin and tried to tie him up with bannana peels.[22] Lord Crud, an incredibly minor character that once tried to get people to donate their organs on Page 3,[23] made the observation that Gebohq was still wearing a lampshade he had donned about the time he ate the seven-year-old twinkies.[24] Lord Crud also made comment to Raistlin, "That was rude."[25]


Semievil's Feud

Because the bannana peels are so slippery, Semievil was finding it difficult to tie Raistlin up. Raistlin offered to help and Semevil followed Raistlin's directions. Once done Semevil realised that he had tied himself up instead of Raistlin, all part of Raistlin's plan. The other heroes, however, begin to act like hippies and chant, sing and light intense, which Antestarr puts in Raistlin's mouth like an intense holder. Maybe decided to help Semievil and used the same intense to burn the bannana peels. Unfortunately this sets fire to Semievil.[26]

ST Clan Leader appeared in the NeS after Semievil went on a rampage and commited acts of violence, leaving rabbit guts on the ground.[27] ST Clan Leader appeared, sitting in those rabbit guts and made generally observations about his surroundings.[28] Apparently never having moved since then, ST Clan Leader was still sitting in the same rabbit guts when Morris the Cat approached him. ST Clan Leader offered to share food with Morris the Cat, but the cat decided to eat the whole chocolate bar all to himself, in typical Morris the Cat fashion.[29]

To avoid the cloud of incense smoke Semievil used Duct-tape upon his mouth and nose after taking a deep breath. He escaped the cloud, ordered several new weapons from the officials board, after destroying it, and proceeded to seek vengeance upon Raistline for referring to him as a, "pithy skeleton.". [30] He worked himseld up into a frenzy again, this time he wielded a maul. [31] Raistlin decided he would teach Semievil a lesson in being evil and he uses his magic upon the "happy cloud" - a cloud combined of insense, cannabis smoke and happy feelings coming from the other heroes. The cloud turns dark and shoots lightning straight at Semievil's maul, electrocuting the skeletal man into blackened char. Raistlin then, finished with Semievil, wondered where the dragon was. However this gave Semievil an opportunity to, once again, return to the officials board and request a lance. He then mounted Galvatron, who was presumably in dragon-form.[32] However this did conflict with a much earlier sentiment that Galvatron had left the Arena on NeS Page 1[33] and was later seen on an island in the sun.[34] However, again, different Writers had Galvatron placed in either of the two locations - making Galvatron's physical location a complete mystery to all. The issue is further confounded when Semievil complained about the Writers giving him poor a lance, broke it into new weapons, and dismounted Galvatron - causing the Robot to once again be forgotten by the Writers and his presence a continued mystery.[35] As the fight between Semievil and Raistlin heated up Maybe decided to start a betting pool, placing her own money on Semievil.[36] Semievil eventually won the duel and forced Raistlin to apologise for ruining Semievil's costume. Once apologised to, Semievil collapses into a pile of bones.[37] Maybe, after collecting her winnings for Semievil's victory, rushed over to help her friend. First, however, she decided to change her clothes back to normal (after previously being dressed as a Scooby-doo character and then a hippie).


"*Stopping for a moment, with Sem still lying in a heap of bones, she snaps her fingers, instantly changing back to her more slender self in perfectly-worn bluejeans, embroidered gauzy shirt, and loads of jewelry. Beginning once again to walk towards Sem, she let out her copious amount of red hair.*"[38]


Maybe urged Semievil to finally remove the duct-tape from his mouth, despite the fact he'd been talking quite a bit before this point.[39]


The Bar, The Dyke & Trixie

Antestarr, who was still under the influence of the happy drugs, wandered into the Arena Bar, which had popped up as magically as the 7 Eleven had done.[40] When a well-endowed woman approached him he ordered champagne from the bartender. The Otter said, "Uh-oh... here we go again..."[41] which suggests that The Otter and Antestarr may have a history and that this situation had happened before. The Otter discouraged Antestarr from groping the woman and instead gave him bar nuts to play with instead. The Otter asked for three bottles of tequila from the bar tender but when he brought out shot glasses, Otter became aggressive. He ordered the bartender to put the bottles into his bottomless Doctor's Bag. He stopped Antestarr from groping the woman again and dragged him outside the door. On his way out The Otter smashed bottles of merlot against the doors and then used his Vulcan's Fire to set the bar ablaze. As he and Antestarr walk away the bar explodes. Antestarr suddenly remembered the woman inside and decided he had to save her. Although The Otter begins to protest his friend's actions, he decided to leave Antestarr to it and began to march back to his Crow's Nest.[42] However he then remained and waited for Antestarr to save the woman. However once Antestarr came running out holding her they realised that the woman had been a man all along. In particular the man was Dr Frank N. Furter from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.[43] He began to sing and Otter laughs at Antestarr. In horror Antestarr ran away but Frank ran after him shouting, "Oh, Ante!"[44] Meanwhile Semievil was back on his feet, claimed his maul and decided to seek out Antestarr for vengeance. However this was a case of Semievil333 the Writer mistaking character's will as the will of the Writer, in this case Antestarr the Writer, as so often happened during earlier periods of NeS history. Semievil wanted revenge for being given a spear and made to ride Galvatron,[45] actions which Semievil333 the Writer was quick to rectify with a post of his own.

TheOtter the Writer then slightly altered events so that the mistake would be incorporated into the story. Antestarr ordered the pike by accident when he was trying to order a "dyke". The DMV officials board then gave the pike to Semievil, thus leading to the chain of events. However when a lesbian-organisation discovers that Antestarr ordered a "dyke" they sent "The Indigo Girls" after him. The use of the term "The Indigo Girls" refers to a group of lesbians, though the original term originated from the musical band The Indigo Girls[46]. The Indigo Girls appear in Otter's Crows Nest where Antestarr and The Otter were relaxing. Instead of beating Antestarr up, however, they became distracted by Otter's massive stash of pornography and start looking through the magazines. One of The Indigo Girls, named Mindy, remembered Antestarr when prompted by The Otter. She threw him through the window. The Otter now appeared wearing a smoking jacket and said, "Well done, my bunnies, well done."[47] When Semievil, in his search for revenge, neared The Crow's Nest he saw Antestarr fall from its window. However Antestarr somehow managed to land on his feet. Semievil wasted no time in crippling Antestarr using his massive maul. Semievil then dragged Antestarr to the officials board to have his legs mended. When Antestarr returned to the Crow's Nest he was wearing casts on each leg with childrens' patterns on them - Barney the Dinosaur[48] and Teletubbies.[49] Semievil appeared proud of this achievement.[50]

A moment later the scene changed. The Arena was suddenly more akin to a combat Arena and at its dead centre was Antestarr versus Semievil - much like the original battles of NeS Page 1. This change happened inexplicably. Keisuke Miyagi, from the movie The Karate Kid[51], was Antestarr's mentor. After expressing confusion over Miyagi's enigmatic advice he approached Semievil whilst riding on the back of Artax[52] from The Neverending Story[53] - a book, and movie, sharing the same name as the NeS. Semievil mimicked events in the movie by using a quicksand spell that swallowed up Artax the horse and left Antestarr screaming for Artax' life. Semievil laughed at this phychological torment he put Antestarr through.[54] In retaliation for the death of Artax, Antestarr summoned his favourite pet rottweiler, named Trixie, from his spaceship. Trixie attacked Semievil and tore off his bone-leg and intended to go and bury it somewhere. Antestarr then booted Semievil in the ribs with his cast-laden foot.[55]

Back up in The Crow's Nest the Indigo Girls have donned bunny costumes and were crooning over The Otter, despite being lesbian. They watched the match below but were interupted by a strange old man. He turned out to be the janitor who actually owned "The Crow's Nest" before The Otter claimed it as his own. The Otter tricked the janitor into believing children were stealing urinal cakes and then proceeded to murder the janitor using his huskarl sword. The sight of blood reminded The Otter that he needed to return a horror movie to the rental store. The Indigo Girls seem unphased by Otter's actions.[56]


Yodafied & The Hospital Escape

Back down in the Arena Semievil removed his other leg and beat Antestarr with it. He then threw it at Antestarr, striking him "below the belt". The referee demanded that a time-out be placed on Semievil, all part of his plan. He crawled the to the DMV official's table and was granted, after beating an official with his bones, a new skeleton. This time his skeleton was jet-black - suggesting that it was an unnatural material.[57] He went into battle with Antestarr wielding an unusual weapon that turned out to be a dog-jaw weapon possibly from Trixie. Antestarr is sent into battle with a weapon made from a can of silly string and a tooth from Morris the Cat that had fallen out. However the battle is interrupted by the Writers, referred to as "Storywriters" or even "Story-guys". Antestarr the Writer argued against Semievil333 the Writer's choice of weapon for Semievil the Character. Because Semievil is a character heavily steeped in computer game mechanics, Antestarr the Writer said that Semievil wouldn't be able to use such a strange weapon because Semievil was a shaman-like character from the game Everquest[58]. When Semievil333 the Writer refused to comply, Antestarr the Writer attacked him;


"Ante story-guy suddenly picks up a rubber duck from the table, and hits Sem story guy in the head, rendering him unconscious. EMT has to take Sem off to examine the possibility of concussion."[59]


However Gebohq the Writer won't allow Antestarr the Writer change Semievil's weapon because Semievil333 the Writer was hit. Instead the character of Semievil was "Yodafied", which means to become similiar to Yoda[60], a character from the Star Wars franchise. He was, however, still using the dog-jaw weapon.[61]

Gebohq, who was still feeling "under the influence" after the 'happy cloud' from earlier, had been sitting in The Crow's Nest all this time - staring at The Indigo Girls. He then noticed a penis enlarger hidden in the bathroom and blatantly points it out, right in front of The Indigo Girls.[62] After consulting various parts of his body for answers to his predicament, The Otter distracted The Indigo Girls by diverting their attention elsewhere, took the penis enlarger and threw it out of the window - leaving the women unaware of its existence.[63] Gebohq asked Otter what was in his closet but Otter warned that Gebohq didn't want to know. Gebohq then discovered a book, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy[64], and started to read it. Otter meanwhile began to play a sex game with The Inidgo Girls.[65] This act is unusual as The Otter later develops a reputation as a man that wants to have sex with every woman he meets but none will touch him. (citation needed) At this time The Otter was able to seduce several women, all at once, who were supposedly lesbian before meeting him.

While the Yodafied Semievil is battling against Antestarr with his dog-jaw weapon, Semievil333 the Writer was in hospital being attended by a young nurse. After he shooed the nurse by throwing parts of his bed and hypodermic needles at her, he injected himself with Coke[66] in a desperate attempt to be stimulated by caffeine.[67] Semievil333 the Writer then spotted vending machines across the street from the hospital he was in. Semievil333 the Writer tied the bedsheets together to create an escape rope and jumped out of the window. Unfortunately he forgot to tie the other end of the bedsheets to something and he fell to the earth. He rose like an undead zombie and grunted his way towards the vending machines, causing cars to crash into each other as they swerved to avoid him. When he reached the machines he pushed buttons only to discover that they wanted money he did not have. In the meantime the other Writers were in the Massassi Offices and Gebohq the Writer answered the phone to a cold sales caller. After abusing the caller he proclaimed he had written the greatest NeS Post ever - a claim made by made Writers since.[68] Just as Semievil333 the Writer began to lose hope he heard music being played and turned to see a Dr Pepper[69] lorry slowly come to a stop as if driven by drunk drivers. The drivers fell out of the lorry - decapitated. Instead out of the lorry came TheOtter the Writer and Mel Brooks who had murdered the drivers. They then drove off in the lorry leaving Semievil333 the Writer staring after it.[70]

References

  1. Raistlin Majere article, Wikipedia.
  2. Star Wars article. Wikipedia.
  3. Post #160, NeS Page 4 written by TheOtter the Writer.
  4. Post #161, NeS Page 5 written by Semievil333 the Writer.
  5. Star Trek: The Next Generation article, Wikipedia.
  6. Post #162, NeS Page 5 written by Gebohq the Writer.
  7. Post #163, NeS Page 5 written by Semievil333 the Writer.
  8. Post #164, NeS Page 5 written by MaybeChild the Writer.
  9. Post #165, NeS Page 5 written by Gebohq the Writer.
  10. Post #166, NeS Page 5 written by Semievil333 the Writer.
  11. Post #155, NeS Page 4 written by TheOtter the Writer.
  12. Post #159, NeS Page 4 written by Gebohq the Writer.
  13. Post #167, NeS Page 5 written by Gebohq the Writer
  14. Post #168, NeS Page 5 written by Semievil333 the Writer.
  15. Post #169, NeS Page 5 written by MaybeChild the Writer.
  16. [Raistlin Majere article, Wikipedia.
  17. Dragonlance article, Wikipedia.
  18. Post #148, NeS Page 4 written by Antestarr the Writer.
  19. Post #149NeS Page 4 written by Semievil333 the Writer.
  20. Post #170, NeS Page 5 written by Antestarr the Writer.
  21. Post #171NeS Page 5 written by Gebohq the Writer.
  22. Post #172NeS Page 5 written by Semievil333 the Writer.
  23. Post #144,  NeS Page 4 written by Lord_Crud the Writer.
  24. Post #154,  NeS Page 4 written by Gebohq the Writer.
  25. Post #173NeS Page 5 written by Lord_Crud the Writer.
  26. Post #171, NeS Page 5 written by MaybeChild the Writer.
  27. Post #151, NeS Page 4 written by Semievil333 the Writer.
  28. Post #152, NeS Page 4 written by ST_Clan_Leader the Writer.
  29. Post #175, NeS Page 5 written by ST_Clan_Leader the Writer.
  30. Post #172, NeS Page 5 written by Semievil333 the Writer.
  31. Post #176, NeS Page 5 written by Semievil333 the Writer.
  32. Post #177, NeS Page 5 written by Antestarr the Writer.
  33. Post #22, NeS Page 1 written by Galvatron the Writer.
  34. Post #67, NeS Page 2 written by Gebohq the Writer.
  35. Post #178, NeS Page 5 written by Semievil333 the Writer.
  36. Post #179, NeS Page 5 written by MaybeChild the Writer.
  37. Post #180, NeS Page 5 written by MaybeChild the Writer.
  38. Post #181, NeS Page 5 written by MaybeChild the Writer.
  39. Post #181, NeS Page 5 written by MaybeChild the Writer.
  40. Post #122, NeS Page 4 written by TheOtter the Writer.
  41. Post #182, NeS Page 5 written by Antestarr the Writer.
  42. #183NeS Page 5 written by TheOtter the Writer.
  43. The Rocky Horror Picture Show article, Wikipedia
  44. Post #185, NeS Page 5 written by MaybeChild the Writer.
  45. Post #187NeS Page 5 written by Semievil333 the Writer.
  46. The Indigo Girls article, Wikipedia.
  47. Post #188, NeS Page 5 written by TheOtter the Writer
  48. Barney & Friends article, Wikipedia.
  49. Teletubbies article, Wikipedia.
  50. Post #189, NeS Page 5 written by Semievil333 the Writer.
  51. The Karate Kid article, Wikipedia.
  52. List of The Neverending Story Characters article, Wikipedia.
  53. The Neverending Story article, Wikipedia.
  54. Post #190, NeS Page 5 written by Gebohq the Writer.
  55. Post #191, NeS Page 5 written by Antestarr the Writer.
  56. Post #192, NeS Page 5 written by TheOtter the Writer.
  57. Post #193, NeS Page 5 written by Semievil333 the Writer.
  58. Everquest article, Wikipedia.
  59. Post #195, NeS Page 5 written by Semievil333 the Writer.
  60. Yoda article, Wikipedia.
  61. Post #195, NeS Page 5 written by Semievil333 the Writer.
  62. #194, NeS Page 5 written by Gebohq the Writer.
  63. Post #196, NeS Page 5 written by TheOtter the Writer.
  64. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy article, Wikipedia.
  65. Post #197, NeS Page 5 written by Gebohq the Writer.
  66. Coca-Cola article, Wikipedia.
  67. Post #198, NeS Page 5 written by Semievil333 the Writer.
  68. Post #199, NeS Page 5 written by Gebohq the Writer.
  69. Dr Pepper article, Wikipedia.
  70. Post #200NeS Page 5 written by TheOtter the Writer.

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