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NeS Page 6
Never-ending Story
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NeS Page 5 | NeS Page 7
Story Arc The Fight of the Century of the Week
Associated Story Arcs Totallyevil (Story Arc)
Writers New Writers

Main Writers

Minor Writers TBA

Characters New Characters

Major Characters

Minor Characters


 Ares, the God of War, declared that all should fight within his Arena, marking the beginning of the Story Arc The Fight of the Century of the Week. That story line continued on NeS Page 6, seeing the Arena transported directly to the asteroid headed towards the Earth - an intended weapon by Admiral Thrawn to exterminate the Earth populace. After various misadventures, where the fate of the Earth seems to dwell only in the backs of character's mind, all comes to a close with the arrival of Totallyevil, the sister of Semievil, and the beginning of the new Story Arc based upon her name Totallyevil (Story Arc). She killed Thrawn and the heroes transport themselves, and everyone else in the Arena, to Stonehenge where they must face off against Totallyevil, Farr and Wolf.


History

Welcome to the Writers Realm

NeS Page 6 opened with Semievil333 the Writer in the Writer's Realm where he had been searching for Coke[1]. He rejected Dr Pepper[2] as not being a viable source of caffeine. So he decided to break open a vending machine using a plastic baseball bat he bought at a local shop. First he found Diet Coke[3] but didn't like it. Then he smashed the machine again to find Pepsi[4] but he screeched with horror and was afraid of being 'burnt' by the Pepsi. Ultimately he broke the machine and third time and found Coca-Cola. Despite his claim that he just wanted caffeine, it is more likely that Semievil333 the Writer is addicted to Coca-Cola as both Diet Coke and Pepsi contain caffeine. In the end Semievil333 the Writer headed back to the Massassi Offices where the NeS Office was contained. He put the coke into his system via an intravenous drip.[5] He got the intravenous drip after he was hospitalised on NeS Page 5 by Antestarr the Writer.[6] When Semievil333 the Writer sat down another Writer approached him, MaybeChild the Writer. She decided not to ask Semievil333 the Writer about the Coca-Cola intravenous drip and instead went to find TheOtter the Writer so that she could beat him up for all of his offensive posts on The Never-ending Story.[7]

A moment later there is, for some unknown reason, a tour-guide leading a group of tourists around the Massassi Offices. They came across the NeS Floor and the guide walked the group through each person that they came across, beginning with Semievil333 the Writer. She also commented on the empty offices, refering to absent Writers from previous Pages. TheOtter the Writer is then seen running from MaybeChild the Writer. He slipped on an Coca-Cola can, likely left by Semievil333 the Writer, and spilt the cola all over Gebohq the Writer's laptop - breaking it. As Gebohq sarcastically laments the loss he is quickly chastised by the Editor of the NeS, who demanded that Gebohq the Writer would have to write on a typewriter if need be. The Editor then took Gebohq the Writer's stapler as punishment. Gebohq the Writer vowed to burn the building down in an act of vengeance.[8]


The Plot

MaybeChild the Writer then decided to continue writing and Page 6 entered the Story Realm of The Never-ending Story. The Central Cast of the NeS were in the Arena, which was owned by Ares the God of War and used to televise battles between Characters for Ares' profit. An apartment-like area of the Arena had been claimed by The Otter due to the large quantities of pornographical material contained therein. He called this The Crow's Nest.[9] Inside the Crow's Nest were two Characters of the NeS, The Otter and Gebohq. They hear shouting from outside and look to see Maybelle Child, more commonly known as "Maybe", chasing a mushroom around the Arena floor close to the base of The Crow's Nest. Maybe told the two men that the mushroom was from her kombucha tea[10], a kind of tea specially made from mushrooms and toadstools. Somehow the kombucha mushroom was now alive and started to pee kombucha tea on things.[11]

Although the primary focus of the story arc was upon Ares and his Arena battles, the underlining narrative plot revolved around a character from the Star Wars[12] franchise named Grand Admiral Thrawn[13]. Thrawn had devised a plot whereby he could plunge a comet into the Earth and then easily take the planet and claim it for the Empire[14] This plot was revealed by Lightstaff who was involved in the Pre-NeS era.[15] Although the comet had been aluded to as far back as NeS Page 2 in a conversation between Gebohq and Arbiter,[16] the issue of the comet had never been addressed and it continued its slow descent toward the Earth.

On NeS Page 5 a character named Raistlin Majere[17], from the Dragonlance[18] book series, was introduced into the NeS as a minor villain.[19] He began a feud with Semievil that ended in Raistlin's defeat. Upon defeat Raistlin had to apologise to Semievil for staining his clothes.[20]. Now on Page 6 Raistlin decided that there wasn't enough havoc in the Arena and decided he would cast one of his most potent spells. After accidentally summoning a rabbit from his sleeve Raistlin recasts his spell which formed a sphere of atmosphere around the Arena-volcano. The whole area then rose up and detached from the Earth and soared up into space where it landed again, this time upon the comet that was headed towards the planet. After the Arena landed a piece of paper somehow reached the hands of Antestarr that was from the management behind Ares' Arena TV show, a "Pay-per-View" event.


"Dear participants of the salvation of the world. Ares has sold the control of the looming comet to us. We are using the action to get lots and lots of money. However, our ratings are starting to waver, since it's not quite as 'life-threatening' or 'adventureous'. Please raise the action level a notch, or we will be forced to crash the comet into the planet, destroying it. Thank you and have a nice day."[21]


Raistlin decided to do as bid by the letter and started the comet on a crash course for the Imperial Star Destroyer[22] that Grand Admiral Thrawn was aboard. He then also pulled down the constellation of Ursa Major[23] into the Arena - though this appeared to be more of a representation of Ursa Major rather than the actual constellation. Finished, Raistlin went to sleep in the announcer's booth where he intended to sleep. Antestarr decided to ride Ursa Major and went around the Arena smashing into things.[24] When Ursa Major stood next to Semievil, who was still Yodafied, Semievil decided the bear's paw would make an excellent addition to his collection - which included the dog jaw. He leapt onto the bear's paw, but Ursa Major didn't even notice and walked away - Semievil still clung to the paw.[25]

The Otter finally decided to address the issue of Gebohq wearing a lampshade on his head. After some fumbling they got it off him and to occupy Gebohq, Otter gave him a copy of Hustler, an adult's magazine[26], but it was the "Old Chinese Women" edition. Otter quickly snatched it back and proclaimed that it was his personal favourite. Instead he gave Gebohq another adult magazine.[27] Maybe Child was still searching for her escaped mushroom when she stumbled across Gebohq and The Otter (apparently having climbed up into The Crow's Nest without realising). The Otter convined her to join him in smoking hookah (shisha), along with The Caterpillar[28], from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland[29]. He then handed her a Metallica, a heavy metal band[30], fan club magazine which she accepted happily - suggesting that she enjoyed this kind of music. Otter revealed that he had a magazine that appealed to each "fighter", a term that preceeded NeS Hero, including a "Women of the Starship Enterprise"[31] for Semievil, "modern technology" for Raistlin and a "livestock" magazine for Antestarr that Otter was quick to dismiss.[32]


Cats, Dogs and Bears

Meanwhile in a medical facility, apparently attached to the Arena, doctors are working on Trixie, Antestarr's pet rotweiler. Semievil had attacked her and thus she was being given cybernetic parts by the doctors. Once finished Trixie bounded back into the Arena. However there she saw Ursa Major and, for some unknown reason, their eyes met and lust rose between them. Ursa Major shook off Antestarr and Semievil and the two creatures disappeared out of sight. A moment later they returned with a litter of half-Ursa Major, half-Trixie animals. Antestarr is proud of his "new pets" but Semievil is weary and he backs away.[33] Semievil then rushed to The Crow's Nest where he grabbed The Otter and dragged him back into the Arena. He handed Otter the dog-jaw weapon and placed his cloak on Otter's shoulders. Otter, fascinated by the weird device, was told that Trixie the dog was "giving them away". Thus Otter was being lured into taking the fall for Semievil's maiming of Trixie.[34] However before Otter could blunder in Morris the Cat, more expansive than ever, became enraged at being "replaced by a dog", presumably 'replaced' at the official 'animal mascot' of the NeS as Morris' original owner was Rob X and not Antestarr. Morris moved in to attack Trixie.[35]

Briefly the scene went elsewhere, looking to those trying to escape the Arena due to the new plight that faced it. One of those trying to escape was Miss Fire in her spaceship. However Thrawn's Imperials had the perimeter locked down, destroying those that tried to leave, meaning Miss Fire was stuck. She watched the Pay-per-view version of the Arena battles.[36]

The scene then changed to a room where Ursa Major and Trixie were asleep in a huge bed. Morris the Cat was sneaking up to the bed with the intention of killing Trixie, however just when he reached attack-distance, Maybe Child accidentally stood on his tail in her search for the elusive mushroom. Morris' yowl awoke Ursa Major who approached Maybe and intended to decapitate her. However she offered him the mushroom she had just found and he took it - leaving her alone. The Otter then burst in seeking out Trixie to get more bones but Maybe stopped him and told him that the cloak he was wearing didn't suit him. Otter told her he was naked beneath the cloak so she gave him new clothes from Abercrombie & Fitch.[37] He got changed in the bathroom and emerged looking like some kind of model for the Abercrombie & Fitch brand. Before Maybe could dispose of the cloak, Semievil rushed in and told her not to because he was fond of it. She gave it back to him and he put it on - however the noise had now awoken Trixie who spotted Semievil in the cloak he had worn when he attacked her.Semievil asked Otter and Maybe for support, but they'd already disappeared and left him to his fate.[38] Semievil, being the resourceful kind, flips his cloak over to reveal the red velvet underside. He used the cloak like a bullfighter to attract Trixie. Trixie the dog attached horns to her head, made from beads, and ran at Semievil. However Semievil changed his mind at the last minute as he realised he might actually have to fight Trixie and he is still Yodafied. He ran off, chased around the Arena in laps by Trixie.[39]

Semievil once again experienced a change of heart and turned about to face Trixie, proclaiming, "For my ally is the storywriter, and a powerful ally he is."[40] As a result, Morris the Cat decided to crush Trixie under his paw which was gigantic at this time. However Morris' inner kitten saw the Yodafied Semievil as some kind of cat toy and began to bat him around the area. Semievil changed his tune and proclaimed the Writers to be bastards. A moment later Gonk2m4 reappeared in the Arena, flying downwards towards the Arena floor. Morris found this to be a more interesting toy and is distracted from Semievil, releasing him.[41] Gonk2m4 had been sent into space by Semievil on Page 5 when he replaced Gonk's power cell with an energiser battery.[42]

Now free of Morris' clutches, Semievil approached Ares' Clone, who was apparently a friend of Semievil's. When he reached Ares' Clone, he found that Bernard the Cyber-Pidgeon was sitting on the clone's shoulder along with a Rubber Duckie. Semievil detached the rubber duckie and gave it to Ares' Clone who suddenly broke out into a beautiful melodious song about rubber duckies and bathtimes.[43]


And Now for Something Completely Different...

Ares' Clone suddenly stopped singing and cited, "And now, for something completely different."[44] This was a reference to the oft quoted Monty Python. Gebohq was now the presenter of a television show about comedy - but from a serious, studious perspective as he analyses comedy. However it was then revealed that the whole show was a charade to use subliminal messaging to get more people to sign up as Writers for the NeS. Before Gebohq gets caught out the Narrator appeared, only to be chased off again by an unruly mob. When a Random Audience Member asked why the NeS couldn't have a sensible plot, Gebohq blamed the Writers. The Writers in question were having a party in the Interactive Story Board Offices, drinking and abusing a lot of coke. MaybeChild the Writer was demanding that the music should be turned up louder whilst Antestarr the Writer was threatening to end the NeS completely in his drunken stupor.[45] Before Antestarr could end the NeS, however, TheOtter the Writer knocked him out using a petrified peep. Gebohq the Writer offered TheOtter the Writer some Captain Morgan rum to add to his cola, but TheOtter the Writer said he only drank Bacardi, which is quite unlike The Otter the Character who drinks anything alcoholic. Semievil333 the Writer was complaining at MaybeChild the Writer for causing so much noise and damage, which seemed to veer from his usual personality, and so MaybeChild the Writer began to write a Post for the NeS so she could pretend she hadn't broken anything.[46]

In the Story Realm Gebohq realised his lecture wasn't going so well and once again decided to change to something completely different. He wanted to play a game but the other characters said it was boring. Gebohq asked for the real David Jones to stand up and he did. Maybe went off with him, without explanation, and Gebohq guessed that they must be going to have sex - which earnt him a smack from The Otter, quite unlike their previous interactions on the subject of sex. Semievil then walked in carrying the Narrator, hog-tied, over his shoulder and stated that the characters had to dispose of him.[47]

When they remove the duct-tape from the Narrator's mouth, he quickly said, "And now, for something completely different."[48] The scene reverted back to the Arena but focused upon Gonk2m4, who was still whizzing around the Arena. However now he crashed into the left-over taco stand belonging to Enchilada Man. Enchilada Man himself had already vacated the Arena, however the tacos became vengeful when Gonk2m4 crashed into the stall. The tacos fired two blasts of energy, one of which struck Gonk2m4 and the other hit the Narrator, turning the Narrator into dust. Written into the dust is the, now familiar, Monty Python catchphrase.[49]

The scene moved to the ISB Offices where the Writers, then called "Storywriters", were in discussion with the Editor. They were debating the next course for the NeS, the most popular being turning the NeS into a pornographic story. MaybeChild the Writer, however, tried to pay Gebohq the Writer not to talk about sex for a whole hour. Gebohq the Writer didn't think he could do it. The Editor threatened them with being fired, which Antestarr the Writer agreed to before being knocked unconscious by a peep, once again thrown by TheOtter the Writer.[50]

Back in the Story Realm the Arena was met by a new character who came through a portal, which would later be known as Plot Holes. He is a barbarian wielding two axes and an aggressive personality. He discovered a FarSight XR-20,[51] which is a weapon from the game Perfect Dark[52] Despite being a barbarian, Uncle Tusk knew what the gun was and how to use it. He saw some audience members and planned to use the gun on them. He also declared that it was good that his cat was not following him, alluding to some prior life experience that is never further developed within the context of the NeS. However instead of Uncle Tusk's own cat, Morris the Cat approached him and challenged Uncle Tusk - possibly because Morris had a rivalry with Uncle Tusk's cat, or because he wanted to protect the audience members.[53] A moment later, Gebohq the Writer posts a comment that was originally written by the Writer's sister;


"The cheese stood alone in the vast darkness, its monstrous shadow now casting over the arena. Behold, the power of cheese."[54]


Despite being so ominous, Semievil ate the cheese promptly. It allowed Semievil to returned to his normal state after being Yodafied for so long. He ultimately announced, "Behold the power of cheeze."[55]

The Otter believed that the Writers had all agreed to do the pornographic material and drove a classic Karmann Ghia to the nearby radio station and went in searching for the bikini-clad women. A voice of a woman lured him in, but instead of porn The Otter was struck by a block of Cheddar cheese by Totallyevil, the sister of Semievil. After knocking him unconscious, Totallyevil declared, "Behold! The power of cheese!"[56]


Stonehenge

Alongside Totallyevil then emerge two others, Wolf who wields a staff and attacked The Otter, while the other is a shadowy spectre called Farr. Totallyevil held up the severed head of Admiral Thrawn, apparently having defeated the Earth's greated threat herself. After Wolf struck The Otter, they are somehow all suddenly transported back to the Arena centre. Totallyevil, Farr and Wolf face-off against Gebohq, Antestarr, The Otter, Semievil and Maybe Child. After a moment of writer's block, which would later become a physical enemy of the Writers, Semievil333 the Writer decided to turn the characters into fantasy RPG based characters. Each main hero became a Character Class from the popular Dungeons & Dragons role-playing game. In turn Gebohq became a Paladin, though he is also cited as "cavalier", The Otter was a Druid, Maybe Child a Cleric, Antestarr a Rogue and Semievil was a Sorcerer.[57] For the role Semievil was also given skin and hair. Finally, a random audience member was made into Gebohq's horse. Instantly Maybe used her new healing magic to cure The Otter of the wounds inflicted upon him by Wolf. Then The Otter managed to quickly transport them away from the Arena - and thus off of the asteroid.[58]

They reappeared at Stonehenge in England. Several audience members had come with them and were gathering around to continue watching the action unfold. Along with them came the villains. Everyone looked up just in time to see the asteroid crash into the Star Destroyer that belonged to Thrawn, resulting in mutual destruction and effectively brought the first Story Arc to a close.[59]

The subsequent story arc would thus begin, though somewhat overlap with the previous. Dubbed Totallyevil (Story Arc), named after its primary antagonist, it marks the conclusion of The Fight of the Century of the Week Part 1 with the destruction of the Star Destroyer, the asteroid and the death of Thrawn. The arrival of Totallyevil and the death of Thrawn marks the beginning of the new Story Arc.

Some compared Farr to Satan, however later sources would reveal that Farr was not Satan (citation needed), or that he worked for the Evil One, though this character has never been revealed. Before Farr and the other two villains could attack, Gebohq pointed out a problem he was experiencing. Dissatified that his steed was a person Gebohq decided that guy ought to be turned, instead, into the 'random guy that dies first in movies'. While the audience member didn't agree with this, Semievil encouraged Gebohq to believe in the Writers. Gebohq thus used what may be considered the first example of his Storywielding power. He held out his hand and transformed the 'horse' into an audience member. Before the guy could run away, however, The Otter grabbed him and threw him before the villains 'bait'. The villains murder the guy, to the point nothing was left of him. The heroes did not utilise this distraction, making the word 'bait' debateable and rather 'sacrifice' may have been more appropriate. Antestarr 'freaks out' and transformed into another version of himself that is capable of using magic. It is explained that Antestarr has two personalities and will switch between the two without warning. However this dual-personalities trait would vanish later.[60]

Semievil made the first move upon their foes by sending a Fire Elemental[61], which he also clad in armour he summoned, to battle against Farr. Farr attacked the elemental with one punch, instantly destroying it. Farr did complain that it tried to burn him, but otherwise remained unharmed. Panicked by this, the heroes set about defences, quickly turning the inside of Stonehenge into a makeshift bunker by coating the stones in metal with magic. Once done, the villains decided to wait outside for the heroes to come out. Inside Antestarr suggested that the play a card game called Spit.[62]

Sometime later, the villains were getting bored. Farr and Wolf started to attack each other but were cooled down by Totallyevil. A strange, unnatural wind, kicked up and Uncle Tusk arrived with Morris the Cat on his head. Morris demanded that Uncle Tusk kill the villains but instead Uncle Tusk wanted to go and eat popcorn.[63] A moment later debris from the Star Destroyer and asteroid of the previous story arc rained down upon Stonehenge killing several audience members and popcorn vendors. The Druids of Stonehenge promptly sue both Ares and The Empire for 'littering'. Inside the bunker the heroes had moved on to play RISK and Battleship.[64] After growing bored of losing Battleship to The Otter, Antestarr went outside of the bunker and challenged Farr to a duel. Unfortunately he was suddenly transformed back into the rogue persona of the RPG. Everything appeared in 8-bit and Antestarr was asked to input commands in a command console to attack. As it was a game, when Antestarr attacked he received a numerial damage value - which was 0. Antestarr pleaded for help.[65] In response the Command Console started to rattle off a bunch of help otions including, "Enter three for help eating various forms of spinach."[66] While Antestarr is being tormented by the Command Console, a new character entered - Krig the Viking. The Viking warrior, who was perpetually hungry, decided that Morris the Cat looked like a nasty meal and proceeded to stalk after him wielding his waraxe. [67]

Semievil reached out quickly, grabbed Antestarr, and pulled him back into the bunker. Farr's attention then focused upon Krig the Viking and said, "Ohhhh... it's a little gnome!"[68] Krig, angry at being called a gnome, attacked Farr but his waraxe got stuck in Farr's thick aura of darkness. When The Otter realised that Krig may be a potential ally, he transformed into a cheetah. The drud leather he had been wearing became too rigid, so Semievil cast a water spell on him to allow freedom of movement. The Otter, as a cheetah, rushed out to save Krig the Viking and brought him back to the bunker where he again needed to be doused in water. He was also attacked by Wolf, who was wearing knuckle dusters, but was healed by Maybe Child.[69]

Again, after some time, they grow bored of their board games and card games. They did have a television and a games console, the Nintendo 64[70], but they had no games for it. After The Otter asked if Blockbuster, a rental store, was still open to rent a game Maybe asked if anyone had actually considered fighting their enemies. To which everyone laughed and ignored her. The Otter suggest that they could rent Killer Instinct 2, also known as Killer Instinct Gold on the N64[71], however Antestarr declared "Nah, that game sucks...".[72] Unfortunately for the heroes their words could be heard outside by Uncle Tusk. The barbarian used his axe to chop open the bunker and reveal a massive crack through which he could see them. Before he could citicise them for dissing his favourite game, he saw Krig and instantly mellowed out, saying, "...hey, a fellow barbarian..."[73] Krig stated, simply, that he wanted to eat the cat. As Uncle Tusk hated cats he decided that he and Krig were going to be best friends and they walked away together. The three villains that entered the bunker through the wide crack and each hero began to pray to as many gods as they could think of.[74]

The Otter, after being doused by Semievil again, prepared a new teleport spell to flee the scene. However it would take time. Semievil used his ice magic to slow down the incredibly fast Wolf and Gebohq tried to take on Totallyevil. However she managed to destroy his powerful, magical shield in moments. Semievil conjured up a new flaming sword and shield set, which lasts much longer at protecting Gebohq from Totallyevil. Maybe Child used her prayer magic to create a great, ethereal hand that swatted Farr away - the only successful attack made against the villains. Finally The Otter's spell worked and the heroes appeared in a ring of redwood trees. They were in a kind of tree-top-village, connected by wooden bridges. Though their exact location is unknown, it is possible that they were in the United States of America, which is where the redwood naturally grow (they are not native to England). In the trees were brown-robed druids. The druids zap Gebohq with a lightning bolt when he tried to set one of the trees on fire with his flaming sword.[75]

Then a druid approached the group and introduced himself as Undramondiginonhafabigmajicthing. Undramondiginonhafabigmajicthing had heard that the heroes were trying to defeat Totallyevil, however Semievil told the druid that they didn't really care and that she was actually his sister. As the druid seemed ready to attack them, The Otter insisted that they were not evil and that only Semievil was evil. Undramondiginonhafabigmajicthing then used a spell on Semievil to banish him to parts unknown. He then revealed that the heroes could only defeat Totallyevil by acquiring the legendary sword Porkis Malorkis. Uncle Tusk and Krig suddenly arrived, somehow transported along with the heroes earlier, being chased by Morris the Cat. Uncle Tusk shouted, "Help, we are being pursued by our dinner!"[76] Krig and Uncle Tusk jump into The Otter's arms for protection and Morris stopped and waited. The Otter insisted that they needed to apologise to Morris. Krig replied that he was sorry that "...you have to look so yummy!"[77] In response Morris suddenly ate Krig. The Otter cajouled Morris into eventually spitting Krig back out again.[78] Semievil had found himself in some very dark place that was cluttered with all kinds of things. After he created light from his finger he was able to see all manner of objects around him. He chose a bunch of goods to take back for himself and the other heroes before he found the exit and forced his way out. It turned out that he, too, was inside Morris the Cat's stomach and he burst from the cat's mouth. In vengeance against the druids Semievil started attacking the trees.[79]

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  75. NeS Post #237, NeS Page 6 written by [Semievil333 the Writer]
  76. NeS Post #238, NeS Page 6 written by Krig the Writer.
  77. Line 4, NeS Post #239, NeS Page 6 written by TheOtter the Writer.
  78. NeS Post #239, NeS Page 6 written by TheOtter the Writer.
  79. Post #240, NeS Page 6 written by Semievil333 the Writer.

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