Template:PostHighemperor, in Pan Post 7, must figure out how best to woo a duke's daughter of Discharding. He is advised by Ex-Marquis Rosslefot that he would have to be exceptionally charming, giving Baron von Britt as an example. He cites that Britt once charmed a dragon and so Highemperor, always keen to one-up someone else, decides to charm the ultimate dragon named Echidna. Britt the Writer tells Al Ciao the Writer off for lazy writing but he proceeds nonetheless and Highemperor ends up having sex with the young dragon and became the first father of dragons and highly suitable for the duke's daughter.


The Stronghold of Powerplayers. Bastion of the greatest and most powerful munchkins in any universe, anywhere--

Highemperor: Whoa! Full stop.

Beg pardon?

Highemperor: I'm the awesomest being ever! I need more than just a two-bit Narrator for my scene! ETERNIUS! Come narrate my awesomeness!


Oh, do move over, you great lout! Clearly the skills and power of I, the great and supreme Eternius the OMNARRATOR, are required!

Highemp: Very good! Carry on.

The Stronghold of Powerplayers. Bastion of the greatest and most powerful munchkins in any universe, anywhere, any time. Capital of the High Empire.

In the tallest tower, the Ultimate Powerplayer, the ruler of the High Empire meets with an envoy in his throne room.

Highemperor: And so, because you are from the farthest-roaming noble family in your dimension, I thought it meet that none other than you should bear my suit to the Grand Duke's daughter.

Ex-Marquis Rosslefot: I shall be glad to do so, for you display nobility, honor, and charm! But I must advise you, do not expect your suit to be granted without struggle, if at all.

Highemperor: What? But-- Wait a minute. Why am I meeting with the EX-Marquis of House Rosslefot?

Ex-Marquis: My son is the current Marquis, but he is currently AWOL on a vacation to the NeSiverse.

Highemperor: Why is your son the Marquis, though you're still alive?

Ex-Marquis: Well, our reality-warping Engines(TM) enable us to live forever, but it's simply not considered fashionable to hold on to office after the duration of natural lifespan.

Highemp: If you say so... I suppose it at least cuts down on dynastic backstabbing somewhat. Anyway! Why should the Grand Duke's daughter not be instantly smitten with me? I am the very soul of charm and suavete! I am the emperor of the greatest empire in all Anti-Existentessence! I am--

Ex-Marquis: Quite, quite. But you see, in Discharding, we can do anything we can imagine, with our steampunk Engines(TM). We are all equal in that regard. It is charm and charisma that distinguish us!

Highemp: And who is more charming than me????

Ex-Marquis: Very few, I'm sure.

Highemp: None, you mean!

Ex-Marquis: Well, the Baron von Britt has few if any rivals for charm...

Highemp: Who is he?

Ex-Marquis: A human who was granted land and title in Discharding. He captured the hearts of every woman who saw him.

Highemp: So do I!

Ex-Marquis: He was a legendary adventurer, and adept at spinning tales thereof.

Highemp: I was a legendary wanderer, and I have the soul of a Writer!

Ex-Marquis: Also, he once sweet-talked a dragon.

Highemp: I-- wait, what?

Ex-Marquis: Indeed, a dragoness native to Jupiter. I was there. Well, I was watching through my telescope at any rate.

Highemp: You dirty voyeur!

He pauses.

Highemp: Did you happen to record that event?

Ex-Marquis: Oh, no shagging was involved, he had to go rescue someone or other.

Highemp: Bloody hell... it might be simpler just to conquer these guys...

Ex-Marquis: What was that?

Highemp: Um, I said... I can sweet-talk a dragon too! Wait here!

He waves his hand in the air, summoning a shimmering image of stars.

Highemp: Show me a dragon!

The image shimmers into that of a mighty dragon! Highemp scowls.

Highemp: A female dragon, if you please.

A Jupiterian dragoness displays.

Highemp: Has to be a powerful legendary dragoness! Not just some run-of-the-mill alien Expy[Ext 1].

The image becomes that of Echidna, the greatest of all dragons, who bore the eggs that started the dragon race in hundreds if not thousands of universes.

Highemp: Say, that's not bad! Be very impressive to charm her!

He pauses.

Highemp: But wait! I would not even pretend to show interest in a woman who's been sullied by another male's touch!

Wow, egotistical much?

Highemp: Shut up, Eternius! I once imprisoned you, I can do it again!

Ex-Marquis: Sorry, what?

Highemp: Er, nothing, I'm not talking to myself, honestly.

Ex-Marquis: No, it's okay! We Dischardians find a touch of madness to be very charming indeed!

Highemp: Right...

The image shimmers again, showing a younger Echidna, before she bore any dragon eggs. Highemp smiles.

Highemp: Perfect.

He stands from his throne and flaps his cloak dramatically before vanishing in a sparkle of silvery-white light. He reappears in a far away universe, near the dawn of time. Echidna stirs from her youthful slumber, a mere thousand years old, under the light of ten moons.

Echidna: And what are you, little morsel?

Highemp: I am the Highemperor, king of a distant land, come to woo thine heart!

Echidna looks skeptical, but then Highemp breaks out into song. The lyrics are entirely in the Draconic language, and declare the arrow of love piercing his heart to be as sharp as her talons, the flame in his heart to be as hot as her inner fire, and other such pithy remarks.

Echidna begins looking more and more impressed--


Britt the Writer: That's just LAZY! I wrote, y'know, an actual conversation between Britticus and the Jupiterian dragon lady!

Al Ciao the Writer: >.>


--and is clearly positively smitten once the song is over, approximately 13 hours later.

Echidna: Oh, you darling man! My heart is yours!

Highemp: Success! Now to report my triumph to--

Just as he turns to go, Echidna snares him in a paw, pulling him close to her dragon-y embrace. Highemp belatedly remembers that his charming song was more or less a proposition.

Highemp: Oh, shiiiiii--

Several hours later, Highemp emerges from Echidna's cave, his clothes torn, utterly exhausted but clearly very pleased with himself. Echidna is snoring contentedly.

Highemp: I... am officially the sexiest being ever.


Britt the Writer: Powerplay much?

Al Ciao the Writer: Well, he IS the Ultimate Powerplayer. And this isn't NeS proper, so it's to be expected! No hindrances!

Britt the Writer: And did you just pull some timey-wimey BS where Highemp turns out to be the sire of most dragon races in several universes?

Al Ciao the Writer: >.>


Ex-Marquis: Well, sweet-talking the mother of all dragons is definitely a one-up on Baron von Britt! I shall inform the Grand Duchess's daughter, you may be assured!

Highemp: Excellent...

Ex-Marquis: Wow, fantastic Emperor-Palpatine[Ext 2] impression!


Al Ciao's Commentary

"I wanted to write a post about Highemp ruling from his multiversal throne, and also had ideas about Highemp seeking power over Discharding. Ergo, this post emerged from the recesses of my brain.

When Highemp mentions that he imprisoned Eternius once, he is referring to the first page of NeShattered." - Al Ciao the Writer


External References

  1. Expy article, TV Tropes.
  2. Palpatine article, Wikipedia.

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